to 2019

Happy New Year, friends! I always blog when I'm home, which is always during New Year's, so I always manage to write a post about the new year. Maybe it's from this surge of energy that I get whenever I have the chance to start anew... 2019 is already pretty big for me, because I'm graduating college in May. Actually, I have this theory that my year is the last of the millennials, as we're the last graduating class in the teens. After us, it's class of 2020, 2021, 2022, etc. A new generation!

Graduation equates to an end of some sorts, which means I really want to make the most of this last semester. I always remember and value endings the most. For example, in books and movies: if the ending sucks, I don't like the entire piece...

So, to motivate myself to strive towards a good ending and to practice self-discipline, I want to set a list of (attainable) goals for this semester. They're pretty much New Year's resolutions—but no one really gets to those, amirite?

  1. Have a personal Sabbath day this semester. I intentionally scheduled my classes so that I can have Mondays and Fridays off. Mondays will be the days where I set no plans, have me time, don't do school work, journal, and take a breather every week. I'm already excited for this ~
  2. Save money and eat healthier by making food and coffee at home more often.
  3. Work on more passion projects in my spare time, like illustrating, blogging, and taking more photos and videos.
  4. Do some sort of routinely exercise, whether it be Blogilates, going to the gym, taking long walks, or biking on the Schuylkill.
  5. Pray more for others. Don't fall into the "out of sight, out of mind" mindset—pray not only for those immediately in front of me, but also for those back home and for the bigger community. Keep going to Friday morning prayer!
  6. Rise with the Lord and and end the night with the Lord every day (not with social media). "Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." [Matthew 4:4]
  7. Wake up at 6 every morning! We'll see how this one goes, but I really want to be a morning person and reach that point where I don't even need an alarm to get up.
  8. Be more open about my walk with God, my struggles, my journeys—with friends and family and on this blog as well, because my faith is what grounds me in this life of mine. Being vulnerable is one of my biggest fears, and I want to tackle it this year.
I also want to be more bold, more spontaneous, more creative, and more productive. And to start off on the right foot, I am in the process of bleaching my hair. It's currently a weird orange, but I'm aiming to get it as light as it can be. I'll be back about that. Also, it apparently takes around 21 days to set a habit, so I'll check in about my goals in three-ish weeks ~

To be honest, I'm quite worn out this winter break from having to confront (and still waiting to confront) a lot of matters that had to be pushed back during the semester, and now I'm constantly feeling restless and a little too emotional. Even today, I think I cried a good three times. And yet, the simple fact that it's a new year, a fresh start—and more importantly, seeing how God is working in beautiful ways that I had never noticed before and remembering that He never stops working in us, are what motivate me to wipe away the tears, find peace, and move forward.

I found a note that I had written a few months ago—during a time period when I was strugglin' real hard—and I'm actually very encouraged by my past self:
Sometimes, life is great and everything seems like it's going to be okay. You know what to do, how to feel, you've got control, and people are there with you to share that joy. Then other times, life and everything punches you straight in the gut all at once and it seems like nothing's going to be okay and you just sit alone with no idea what to do, emotions going wild, no control, and no one willing to patiently be by your side. But through that loneliness, you can grow the capacity to love and be happy without having to receive it from another person. You don't know when it'll really be over, but when you do walk away from it you won't be the same person that walked into it. And that's what you hold onto when there's nothing and no one to hold onto. At least, that's what I'm holding onto.
Lord, I'm tired. And a bit sad. But I am striving to look to You and to seek You in my day to day, because I know that only You alone can sustain me. You are so steadfast, so loving, and so patient, and I thank you for that always.

2019. Please be good to me!

Here's to a more daring year (and a year of truly adulting).
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